My Husband the Snot Czar

My husband has appointed himself the Snot Czar of our household. This means that not only does he handle his own snot and help with Baby Girl’s (she’s a baby, so he gets a pass on that), he also attempts to take it upon himself to deal with Little Man’s and mine.

Yes, mine. I’m a 31-year-old sort of adult, and my husband thinks it’s his job to clear my nasal passages.

You’re probably thinking, “Ew” and maybe even “Well, at least he cares,” but here’s how he deals with that. Instead of running the dehumidifier or cool mist sprayer, whichever of those is meant for helping with congestion, instead of giving me Mucinex or nasal spray, he would break out the bulb-style nasal aspirator.


Modern-day torture device

The first time he offered, I thought, Why not? He uses it on Little Man (a baby at the time) and it works. How nice that he’d go that far to help me feel better. I wouldn’t do it for him.

Here’s why not: it’s what I imagine it would feel like if the zombies tried to suck out my brain through my nose during the apocalypse. Instead of just sticking the tip in and suctioning a bit out, he rammed the thing up there as far as he could and I’m pretty sure he came within a millimeter or two of puncturing my brain. (That’s what she said! That’s what she said!)

It didn’t work. He insisted that I just needed to be still, stop acting like a child and squirming around, and let him do his thing.

Uh, no. This is worse than a 10-second hug from a stranger! “No, I’ll just wait and let things clear up on their own.”

It’s all fun and games until your husband chases you throughout the house, determined to use this godawful suction thing on you in an attempt to help clear up some of the crud from the monthly sinus infection.

Fast forward a few years (and a couple dozen more attempts to force the nasal suction thing on me) and we have Baby Girl. I was part of this mommy board, which I have since left, and it was recommended to use this wonderful, relatively expensive (as in I paid $30 for the device and filters compared to $2 for the bulb at CVS), non-invasive nasal suction device called the NoseFrida.

Nosefrida The Snotsucker, the doctor developed and doctor recommended nasal aspirator is the new standard in keeping babies naturally snot free. Ingeniously simple Swedish design features a tube that is placed against the nostril (not inside). Parents use their own suction to draw mucus out of their child’s nose. Disposable filters prevent any bacterial transfer. Nosefrida is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, and BPA and Phthalate free. It is superior to the bu pound aspirator, presents no risk or harm to internal nasal structures and is dramatically more efficacious.

Not as cute as it looks.

Don’t get distracted by the cute picture on the box. You see what the mom is doing there? She is gently removing snot by putting part of the contraption against the kid’s nose and putting the other end of the contraption in her mouth and sucking. She is literally sucking the snot out of her kid’s nose. With her mouth. Thanks to a nifty filter, you supposedly don’t get said snot in your mouth.

Since BG hated the suction bulb, I decided to purchase one of these. I gave it a try on the little one once and nearly threw up, so now Sam is the designated Snot Sucker user. Which he’s fine with, because Snot Czar.

See the happy baby whose mom is using the Snot Sucker on her below? That isn’t Baby Girl.


Not me. Not my child.

My child is not happy to have this contraption used on her. She doesn’t care about the extra money, the advanced snot-sucking technology, it being cleaner, or being less invasive. She hates the thing.

This does not deter our Snot Czar from using it, though. And he’s proud of it. When he took BG to the doctor when she was sick and the doc suggested he use the bulb to suction her out, he boasted that he doesn’t use those. He uses a Swedish, BPA-free NoseFrida to remove snot.

He said the doc looked rather horrified and said, “That thing you put in your mouth? You use that?”

Hell yeah he does. If he were to ever get a tattoo, I’m pretty sure he’d get the NoseFrida tattooed on his bicep. He is proud of that thing. (And I checked Google Images–no one has a NoseFrida tattoo yet that I can find, so he’d be the first!)

And not only does he use it on BG, he also tries to make Little Man and me use it. Little Man cried as much as BG when Sam tried to use it when he had a cold last week. I threatened to strangle him with it if he went near me. Leave us alone and let us be sick or you’ll become an embarrassing headline!

Here’s a rather entertaining video of some dads talking about the NoseFrida.



29 thoughts on “My Husband the Snot Czar

    • Anxious Mom says:

      lol! I am convinced that stuff gets through the filter. It probably really doesn’t, so don’t let that deter you from getting one for yourself, but ewwwww….

      Liked by 2 people

      • I will pass…snot seriously is the only bodily fluid that makes me literally gag just thinking about it swallows gaggy substance in her throat My little M had a booger on her coat after picking her up from preschool …not only did I want to burn the coat but I kid you knot…I must have gagged for 20 minutes!

        Liked by 2 people

        • Anxious Mom says:

          Haha…I know what you mean, it is so disgusting. LM had tried to lay down with me the other night and I noticed a huge booger on his cheek. He was promptly told to GTFO (but in a nice way) until he took care of his mess.

          Liked by 3 people

    • Anxious Mom says:

      Other people swear by it (and it does seem to get out more snot), but shudders and the sound is every bit as horrifying as you’d think it would be.


  1. for the adults, have only one word for you, neti pot. oh crap, and i apologize, i exceeded my word limit by one word or by 100%, depending on how you look at it. dr. oz swears by them. if some place with a name of himalayan institute sells them online, they must be good. it is rumored that the neti pot is responsible for the recent breakthrough (no pun intended) in the iran nuclear negotiations because the ayatollah started using one.

    all joking aside (yea right, you don’t know me, do you) the neti pot is made of ceramic and comes in the shape of a little tea pot. to use it, tilt the head, pour sterile water in one nostril and the water comes gently cascading out of the other nostril. btw, pour the water in the top nostril, otherwise the process won’t work well. this process clears the sinuses including most snot that resides in the nose.

    some people truly swear by it. this way, your husband could stop chasing you up and down the hallway with a little tube. instead, he could chase you up and down the hallway with a little tea pot shaped thing.

    give it a try! I haven’t. the thought of pouring water in the nose, makes me think of the time i got swallowed by a wave which is simply a large supply of salt water. water up the nose; not a pretty site.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anxious Mom says:

      Hahaha! I’m dying here at the thought of my husband chasing me down the hall with a Neti pot! My doctor has recommended using one, but the idea of pouring water in my nose has always kinda freaked me out. So…you first and let me know how it goes 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • i’ve seen dr. oz do it on live tv. well, as live as the dr. oz show is. if it’s good enough for dr. oz, it’s surely good enough for you! you you leave me out of this. 🙂

        let me see, you’ll poke a tube up your nose but not water? 🙂 the thought either gives me the willies. but if forced to do one, i’ll take the water.

        Liked by 1 person

    • a nasal douche? good thing i’m the other sex, so i don’t no what a douche is. unfortunately, i do. it reminds me of my biggest moaner commericialsof all time. Hope this isn’t to off topic. let me set the scene.

      mom and thirty something year old daughter sitting around the breakfast table. daughter ask mom, ” what do you use for that uncomfortable time of the month? ripping a bottle from behind a nearby cereal box,” I use .” gotta say, good thing she keeps her unused douche bottle right behind the cereal box. that’s were I’d look for it! makes it perfect for a commercial.

      Liked by 1 person

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