So much for a restful night.
I fell asleep pretty quickly–despite feeling jittery as heck and not taking Ambien–but woke up a couple hours later having a really bad anxiety attack.
Obviously the medication stuff was weighing on my mind, since that’s what I dreamed about leading up to waking up. I dreamed of stopping the meds cold turkey and having frequent brain zaps to the point that I couldn’t function. I also dreamed about being “found out”–as in people I know finding my blog and putting 2+2 together (a concern I have, since I’m generally a private person).
When I woke up, I could barely breathe and was nauseous. My heart was racing and felt like it was going to pound out of my chest, and I was trembling. I used my asthma inhaler, but that didn’t help steady my breathing. Got up and walked around the house, drank some water, let the cold air hit my face to try to calm me down, but nothing.
Finally, I remembered I had some Klonopin left over from a couple years ago, so I took one of those and sat back down on my bed and tried a deep breathing exercise the therapist I saw a couple years ago had gone over. About an hour later, it wore off and I eventually went back to sleep. I had a lot of vivid dreams and woke up frequently over the next three hours.
I went ahead and took the Effexor after I got up. I’ll see how it goes and try to keep an open mind about seeing a psychiatrist. Fear of medication < fear of another anxiety attack like that.
The kids are going to the grandparents later this afternoon and will spend the night, so that will definitely take a load off and likely make for a more restful night for sure.